unscrew

i needa get myself out of this abject state im in now.


pathetic.


I NEED TO MUG TO GET MY 4As.

visualize myself mugging 10hours a day.
for 30days!


wow.
thats 300hours!
beat the whole sec4 and j1 of mugging.

Music's my life

It just is.

Keeps creeping back to me.

I find myself increasingly entertaining thoughts to be a professional musician.

To be able to be with my instrument, to connect with the past, communicate with the present and traverse into the future.


To be able to have lots and lots of time to practise, to turn notes into music, to convey a message, to enjoy myself, to busk(bask) in fantasies coming to life.

Perhaps its have got something to do with my personality, i dont like to talk alot. certainly, there're times when humans just feel like talking, to be the centre of attraction. to have people leaning forward, living on your every word.

But ultimately, some things cannot be expressed in words. Maybe it just cant be said blatantly to the person in front of you, maybe there're just no words, maybe you cant find the right words to describe what you wanna convey, maybe its just that your vocab is too limited.

We all know, silence is golden, but after silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.

As Shakespeare puts it, "If music is the food of love, play on."

The last concert

Im not sad,

far from that im very happy(:


Perhaps it hasnt struck me that this will be the last concert in my life?

That it will be the way I end strings after 5 long years.


But the encore was the best rendition of frolicsome finale ever.


Best of all, the audience enjoyed it.
Even from friends whom "dont know how to appreciate" coming down to congratulate us.

From people who come just to support without prior knowledge of strings music, and end up asking for recordings of our songs.

I think we really made music tonight.

Best of all - we enjoyed it(:


"Not our best, but definitely a good performance"


After 2 years. I can finally say,
I <3 HCSE

I AM PROUD TO BE A HCSE MEMBER.
Finally.

it was as close as perfect as i could wish for.

if only you were here.
your presence would have been a much better gift than all the flowers, cards and letters, chocs, hugs combined together.

but to all my friends who came, esp the ocip guys, thanks for supporting(:
i think weichang rocks. so busy and cant come yet buys ticket to show his support(:

see how you can easily buy friendship with $5


lucky i brought 1 bag extra today or i would die carrying plasticbags of chocolates :D im gna feast on them man!

kinda ironic how i get sad thinking of happy times;
and laugh over those sad ones.

life as an orchestral musician

Playing in an orchestral has been a part of me for many years. Through the years, I have played many parts. Violin 2, violin 1, orchestrating music on the podium, conducting sectionals for both small and large groups of people, as well as being involved in sectionals other people conduct.

Seniors have described me as "one of the most versatile players", being able to play both violin parts for many pieces. I was one of their sort of dispensable players, like when violin 1 needs sound, I'm transfered over and when violin 2 lacks power, i'll traverse over to help.

Throughout this years, I was also invited to play with other orchestras as well, amassing a huge repertoire. :D self ego boost.

With all the combined camps, exchanges and so on, I was exposed to many pieces. Of course all of which i have practised hard for. I really enjoy creating music. Not as an individual, but as a group.

Listening to recordings, not just of ourselves, but of others, watching videos, I am carried away. To lands of bliss, agony, utopia and fantasy. I relax and become awash in the music.

And i wonder, what will become of my future. I have not even thought it possible. I did not dare think of it in the past. I wanna join an orchestra, be part of one, at least a quartet, even when I leave hwachong. All in the name of making music - and enjoying it. Maybe i wanna be a conductor(:

But the daunting thought of struggling to make ends meet haunts me. It is evident. With the income of an orchestral musician, and then teaching privately, then conducting amateur ensembles, people survive. But do i wanna live that type of life.

Yeah, its carefree, but you're tied down to your orchestra. I wanna travel.

I want big money :D I dont know why. I dont spend money actually. Maybe i'll earn bigbucks to give my parents. Buy a yatch for my brother, help my other sibilings get good income, buy a nice house for myself. Maybe find a wife who can help me spend money (after i have earned them). Sounds cool. And if i have excess, i'll donate them (: say, to temples, my favourite charity and hmm cambodia kids(:

My little private blog

The ideal would be for no one to read any of these at all.

Just a reflection of me and my life.

I need someone to confide in.