The break

I'm gna turn myself into a machine.

that churns coke+chocs into results.

watch out guys.

commando :D

after a grueling 10hours, im finally back home.

i think all the physical tests went well, except that i had a bit of stomach cramps after situps. luckily we did standing broad jump first. pull up was good, though i wasnt really very shuang. cos after that the group ic "helped" the rest who din manage to hit 12. like if you wanna be commando you tell him and poof your score turns 12 magically. like. 4 to 12. wtf. dowanna be also poof. like jason tan. pushups from 40 poof to 5. LOL

dno if all group ic did that.

interview went well. =D
he ended by saying, "okay. you're good to go. hope to see you soon in hendon camp"
hohoho im happy yay yay.

they din take our phones though. unlike cmpb.
so, we had our phones. i started smsing.

to my very unfortunate self, some idiot called BX was sitting beside me.
who happened to accidentally see who i was smsing to.
so i just shut my phone off anyway.
and he and jason tan kept trying to make fun of me the whole day.

lame shits.
to think i actually gave them a lift.
from ulu changi to heartland kovan.
SO NEAR TOAPAYOH AND PAYALEBAR CAN.
walao ungrateful pple.

im damn shag from all the tests.
physical + psychometric + IQ + personality + vocational etcetc.

shag both physically and mentally eh.
i need my sleep.
and i needa catch up.

actually ytd i still thinking,
hey 2mr no sch. can slack :D
2mr can catch up.

how'd i know the tests would last till 4+pm right.

ahh ok nvm enough of my rants.
i'd just wait till i get my commando letter :DDDDDD


in the meantime.
i need to cut my 2.4timing down.
to sub 10 at least.
and make sure i dun mug too much so that my eye power wont increase.

so when i enter bmt i wont suffer.
9min14seconds for gold. wtsssssss.

i need to gain weight.
holymama.
look at all the commandos. all so skinny :S

got this guy. muscle muscle go in. come out skinny. cos no time to train?! oh and cos ration food not very.. nice lol. must gain more weight. so my body can rely on my fat supply to burn energy when i need them next time :D

i'd like to end off the post with a quote from my group ic.
"When there's a will, there's always a way."

Time has come;

for the march to final victory,


as well as a long hiatus.

all i wanted to say is

brokeback's back

i srsly dno what happened, but my back was troubling me since i woke up. maybe cos of ytd's pe? mr ling said bad posture would lead to back aches. coupled with my brokeback injury, a fall and a slip complicated with a strain, the pain was really, excruciating at the very least.


still struggled to school.

managed my way around till i slipped on the fking slippery stairs.

i din fall, but i strained my back further.

it sorta got down hill from there.


wanted to take ocp and skip the whole ct thing but she just made life tough for me.


went to the toilet to do heat shock my back.
the treatment lasted around 20minutes or so and then the pain was back again.

i desperately had to get my ice pack.
which i promptly did, after making my way out of lt3.

at least that numbed the pain for the bus journey home.

my mother helped me scrub/gu sa my back. and i slept on the heat matt.

dno why but it din help much.
did another heat shock.

and its still hurting like hell :/


i refuse to take painkillers.
cos panadols cant help me.
the stronger ones can, but that would mean dependency on it for the whole day.

my ultra strong ones are hidden at the back of my drawer for emergency only.
i dno how im gna slp later.

i've only 2 hydroxyzine pills left ):
and they shall have to be saved.
in times of great agony where im so tired i'd have slept for 2days straight but cant fall asleep cos of the pain.

sucks.
how am i gna be a commando lidat.
needa train up my back. ):

you know how hard issit to train back muscles. zzz
i've had to train for 3months so i could do my 2.4km run.
not the running, but the training of back muscles.
so they wouldnt kill me halfway.

my mum refused to let me pon sch 2mr.
so i guess i'll have to endure FOUR HOURS of chem 2mr.


-----
this mysterious force keeps driving me to on the com to go online.
to see if she's online.
usually she isnt, so i'd just go offline there and then.
but sometimes when she is, i'd be delighted suddenly
but the happiness would be short lived cos i wouldnt speak to her.

how love gurus, how.
nth to say what ):

until one of the love gurus help me out,
i guess,
it'd be ____ _______ _______

Hot legs?

While on the way home today, a painstakingly 2.5hour journey,
cos i decided to make a detour back to sengkang and then rivervale to my primary school..

i just kept looking at girls legs.

must be benja's fault. keep telling me about the hot girl with the hot legs on the 630train. and all the skirt talk. (benja = benjamin chong zu yao)

i dno, but i kinda have a feeling that my pupils dilate whenever i spot a hot pair of legs. yeah they go in pairs you know. havent really seen people with one hot leg and one not so hot leg. they're either both hot or both not hot.

was kinda noticing how shoes give emphasis to the legs.
like how sports shoes dont really help, while heels do.
esp those killer heels. so hot. omg.

because i spent almost 2hours looking at them,
i soon formed a image of what type of legs i'd be attracted to.

but at the end of the day,
when i reached my gate,
i thought,
legs are legs.

and just for the benefit of those who dont know what legs are.
not those chair/table legs. but these type:



yeah anyway,
they're made of bones and nerves and blood and arteries and veins.
well toned muscles and well tanned skin.
and for most, fats. and well, scars and leg hair.


i've had girls asking me what's my definition of hot legs and things like that. i've known some who diet run skip swim suntan and things just to get shapely calves or the tan to make their legs look nice.

and i know lots of guys who're leg guys.

okay anyway i wanted to condemn this materialistic/superficial illusions of hot legs and whats not. like how we shouldnt go around looking at legs. but sometimes they come in nice packages like together with miniskirts and 4inches heels so its really not our fault that we look.

anyway its less than 40 days to prelims so i shall end of the post with a quote.

"Hot legs ftw."

Quotes

Because the mugging marathon has started, I'd detach myself from the world.

But perhaps I'd keep this alive with some quotes i find meaningful.

"Our inability to stand someone results from our lack of cultivation."

"Happiness does not come from having much, but from being attached to little."

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,
but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."

Today was a sunday like no others.

First, i had big breakfast at mac.

Second, i went for this exercise thing with my parents and brother and sister. And i was the third youngest, after my siblings. All of them were ah gongs and ah mas. old uncles and aunties and the like. it was, BORING. yea. was scammed into going for "aerobic exercise" i was thinking of jogging and that sort.

I went home, bathed.

Prepared to go meet benja and kovan mac. den i changed my mind so he followed me to suntec instead.

i waited around say 40-50minutes for him at punggol.
cos he did not answer my phone calls/reply my smses-.-
but nvm, i finished a word list of SAT

anyway, the scholarship thing to describe it in a phrase, "was a total waste of time". anyway, saw damn lot of pple there. as in pple i know. so cool huh. and everyone of them were like "sucks. damn waste time. so hot. so crowded."

asked for quite a few booths for the prospectus and all ran out. talked to 2 of the pple mending the booth and got some info i wanted. so we went down. den i saw weichang holding that scholars thing so i kiasu so went up to take. the girl just gave me. den benja wanted one too. den she said "im not supposed to give you, you've to complete a survey first" LOL so benja browsed through my copy and decided he did not want one. then the lady passed me a form to fill up but we just went off after she turned around.

went to esplanade library to study with benja.

we got chased away by some kb uncle who wanted to READ NEWSPAPER
(and disrupt the makings of the future pillars of spore!)

but we had to move cos it was meant for newspaper reading.
or benja would have punched him. lol

saw at least 4other hc pple there mugging (on our way out) lol

and we did the most retarded things.

1) we walked in the direction of the mrt (from esplandae)
2) i pointed out a shortcut to benja so we went my way
3) dulan, the escalator at that exit not working
4) when we reached the top of the exit, i saw 107 bus stop!
5) we decided not to take mrt anymore cos mrt sucks
6) we used benja's iphone to check for the sbs bus stop location for 107
7) after walking quite long we found the bus stop outside raffles hotel there.
8) we happily sat down, seeing 107 at the bus stop info
9) we waited around 40+ min after FOUR 961 passed
10) we felt something was wrong so benja went to check the info
11) in small print it said 107 does not operate on sundays and public holiday.

fml.

12) we were too sian to walk back to mrt
13) since we both had in excess of 160bucks each, we took taxi lol
14) although i had dinner at home, i still ate with benja -.-
15) we went kovan macs to mug

16) halfway through mugging, benja had this urge to visit a fish shop.
17) i happily brought him to the fish shop i know
18) after spending 10min walking, we found that the fish shop had CLOSED DOWN

wtf

19) we asked for directions and went back to heartland mall in search of OCBC bank.
20) i brought benja to DBS bank HAHAHAHA

21) we finally found ocbc bank and the aquarium beside it, after calls and asking of cobblers and random uncles.

22) the effing aquarium was 10metres from. a staircase we took. (see point 17)

we did 22 retarded things huh.

if we had opened out eyes and walked straight instead of going down the stairs,
we would have saved, around say, 30minutes of our lives.

which is significant, considering it was around 8pm alr
and that
we have a math test tomorrow to study for.

and im too tired to mug for math now.


i dno why girls have an obsession with serial dramas, regardless whether its tv/dvd/youtube/whatever

and cant comprehend why they like shopping so much.

i needa study hard to earn big bucks so my gf/wife can go shopping happily and spend all my money. den bcos i'd be working so hard, i'd buy hoards of serial dramas for her to watch while i slug my ass at work. so while i work she shop/watch tv.

this is why i should find some damn ambitious girl who wanna work and support me. so i can slack at home and cook and do gardening and play my violin. and do charity work.

or maybe i'll be smart enough to earn enough to retire early and go shopping with my girl and watch tv with her. and buy all sorts of food that she like. make her fat, den tell her its for her own good to do housework to lose weight. make her stay at home while i go out and find other girls.


but you know, fantasies are fantasies.

How to be alone

To quote Lindbergh:

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment.

It is an impossibility.

It is even a lie to pretend to.

And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even.

Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.

Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

P

is for poems!

Today,

in the park while taking a stroll,
i thought the body as a shell of the soul.

you're pretty, thats not a bluff;
but you're espcially stunning,
cos your beauty's from within.

you're so pretty and such a cutie
and so witty you are just so funny

hmmm.
cutie like a kittie and funny like bugs bunny

whatever imperfections become insignificant,
cos you're just so perfect in comparison.

on the day i met you,
you took my heart away.
i'll be frank:
my mind went blank.

tried hard i could,
i've got nothing to say.
tho i've always wanted to take you to play.
come that day you told me you're gay
my heart broke like it's made from china clay

you said,
im so damn retardedly shy,
i dont know why,
perhaps its to do with being a guy

louis told me he's damn shy
i told him the exact same thing
and he said, "go and die"

but no, thats not a lie :/


i look in your eyes
and managed a hi
you look at my thighs,
and said goodbye
but you gave me the ice
and looked at the sky


k stop here.
brain dead from thinking of rhymes.

my father told me i was love sick ._.

For Honour and Glory

I found new meaning in life recently.

That is, my aspiration to become a commando has become a closer reality.

Cos i've been selected to go for a selection test :D


For Honour and Glory.



After the scholarship fair ytd,
i've realized how impt prelims are.
esp when you're a guy.

so i've resolved to start mugging for prelims.
at least 80% for all my subjects.


today, after 3weeks of 1hour mugging daily,
i reached my 1992nd note.
out of the 2973 notes of Moto Perpetuo by paganini, (around 67%) :D

although there're around 20-24 notes that i keep missing/slowing down/going out of tune ._.


if nothing goes wrong.
i should be able to learn the piece by the end of the month.

and bring it up to performance standard by end of next month.


there, 3 months to learn a piece.
that's 3 pages long ._.

with the exception of 2 crotchet rests at the beginning,
2 demisemiquavers, 2 quavers, 2 quaver rests, 2 crotchet rests, 1 minum and a final 2 beats rest,

all the rest of the song, all 2968 notes of them, are semiquavers(:
nonstop playing to reach the end of the song.

and my hands are already aching like hell halfway through the song at around 60% of the speed ._.



-----
no words,
just love.

The Countdown begins

49 days to prelims.

120 days to A's.

130 days to one year since we left for cambodia, still strangers.

140 days to my birthday (after 3years, im gna celebrate it in spore!)

142 days to since we came back from cambodia, strangers no more.

143 days to END OF A's.

147 days to prom.

(and all the talk bout returning to unacas? issit gna happen?)

and then its BMT and commando training

i really hope i can get in(:


The art of concentration is to focus on the task at hand and eliminate distraction

I guess the love shall remain as platonic, till then.

Liar liar pants on fire

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust them.

Some of them are liars, you know? (my father says all but, well, i'll prove by induction later that all are anyway)

Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog.

"was" cute because she aint cute anymore after lying.

I went up to her and we started talking. She told me her dog's name.

I asked if he bites and she laughed, "no!"

And I said, "Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?" Liar.


Let P(n) be the proposition that all females are liars, females > age of 1
(+- a few months depending on when they start talking)

Proof that babies lie:
"Behavioural experts have found that infants begin to lie from as young as six months. Simple fibs help to train them for more complex deceptions in later life.

Infants quickly learnt that using tactics such as fake crying and pretend laughing could win them attention.

By eight months, more difficult deceptions became apparent, such as concealing forbidden activities or trying to distract parents' attention.

Hence, P(1) is true.

Assume that some girls lie.
Proof that girls lie.


Proof that P(k+1) is true:
k is this case would be daughters while k+1 their mothers

Adapted from new york mag, http://nymag.com/news/features/43893/

Girls lie early, often, and for all sorts of reasons—to avoid punishment, to bond with friends, to gain a sense of control. But now there’s a singular theory for one way this habit develops: They are just copying their mothers.

Hence P(k) aka girls lie is true
==> p(k+1) aka their mothers lie is true

by logical induction,
P(n) is true for all n>1
that is,
all females are liars, right from the age of 1 (or even younger)


moral of story:
dont trust them

disclaimer:
actually there isnt a need for it(:
okay, say, all of them lie, but not all lie to me(:
okay or rather not all they say are lies.

peace out yo!^^

4 little clowns around singapore town

Today,

i went out with 3 other clowns.

We wanted to go shopping.

so, after bio lecture, we followed clown number 1's advice to go to velocity.
(ANYWAY bio lecture was so boring and cold and totally freezing. i got so bored and cold i took out my class tee and covered myself. but it din help. so i took out my phone to warm my palms. but it din help too. i decided to stream some video online and it started getting warm x) den i went to msn and said hello to random people but the conversations din last because the bio lecture decided to be nice just then and gave us a break. and den you see the guys sun bathing. ahhh the warmth of the sun)

i digress. back to going to velocity!

clown number 2's advice: take 171 to newton and change mrt.
clown number 3's advice: go macritchie change bus. to velocity.

we followed clown number 3's advice.
we decided to eat first before looking around
so clown number 2 said kopitiam which we all went.

clown number 1 decided to eat lor mee but no one followed him.
i decided on pots and pans and clown 2 and 3 followed me.

clown 2 ordered meal 2
clown 3 ordered meal 4
so clown 2 said i should order meal 3, which i did.

after lunch,
all the clowns happily went down to shop

we found it too expensive so we had a discussion!

clown 2 suggested we go to queensway!
we all agreed it was a good idea.

clown 1 suggested to take the mrt while i suggested to look at the bus stop.

there were so many buses going to bukitmerah interchange.
aka redhill
but because clown 2 INSISTED that bukitmerah =/= redhill
we all agreed too! =D

i den suggested to ask the bus driver whether bukitmerah was redhill but
BUTTTTT clown number 1 the biggest clown of all SAID NO NEED. and WAVED BYEBYE to the bus driver!!!!

clowns being clowns,
clown 3 suggested to walk up a bus stop to look for more buses!

we saw a few more bukit merah buses but decided not to take them.

because, clown 2 said bukit merah red line, redhill green line!
very far apart. not the same.

i asked clown 2, whats redhill in chinese then, since bukit merah is hong shan.
clown 2 very as-a-matter-of-factly replied: apparently its not hong shan. but i dno what it is.

the blind clown leading the blind clowns,
we stoned at the bus stop awhile, before deciding its too hot to stone at the bus stop, so we went back into velocity to stone.

then, i decided it was a very inconclusive shopping experience so in the end, we followed clown 1's suggestion to take the mrt to redhill!

clown 2 and 3 decided to change mrt at city hall while clowns 1 and myself said raffles place cos no needa take escalators.

FINALLY! we arrived at redhill! and all happily alighted listening to the directions of clown number 2!

to my dismay, i realized that queensway shopping centre isnt at redhill but at queenstown! so i told them of my realization on the way down on the escalator. so they followed me back up to the mrt platform.

then clown 2 started cocking about responsibility and stuff and why we shouldnt look back at history and complained bout "if"s

fine then, the next train came and the 4 clowns without any complaints, boarded and alighted at queenstown!

as i suggested using exit A to take our bus,
clowns 1 and 2 decided to check out the locality map.

and den clown 1 suggested to go to the side that has "195"
amazing right. clown 3 smartly pointed out that both sides have 195!

luckily clown 2 came to my rescue and everybody followed and we took exit A down to the bus stop where the bus came.

FINALLY!!!! we reached the bus stop opposite queensway shopping centre.

while i took some time to look at the buses there, clowns 1 2 and 3 were too delighted they rushed to the overhead bridge.

as i caught up with them, clown number 3 realized his sole of his shoe came off! so all the rest of we clowns laughed at him while he went searching for his sole. luckily it was quite a big patch that came off so he found it without any trouble.


as we marched towards our final destination,
clown 1 suggested we make a whole video of this thing.

clown 2 and i decided we should get what we set out to get first.


i decided to walk up the stairs at the entrance to my horrible realization that the rest of the clowns decided to walk down!

bleah.

we finally made our purchase and went along making the video.


its time for the clowns to say goodbye.

as they walked to the closest bus stop without their buses,
i walked towards the not so close bus stop with a straight bus home.

i called clown 2 and told him there's a bus to bedok but clown 2 said he's on the bus alr! so i called clown 3 and told him there's a bus to his house but he said he's on the bus too! i wonder if they took the same bus.

as i boarded my bus,
clown 3 smsed me saying he alighted and is walking back to the bus stop.

how retarded.

and with that,
the clowns completed their tour around singapore town.

Credits:
clown 1: weekian
clown 2: kaiqing
clown 3: yifoong

i think one of my fellow clowns would post something on class blog soon.
maybe with the amazing videos we took!

the constant

you know what they say?

beauty is inversely proportional to intellect.

also,

looks * IQ = constant.

at first you were no more outstanding than the rest,

but i soon realized you might be an exception, girl.

i guess, only time will tell.

Memories

One of the first things i did this morning after waking up (and after the hour or so lazing around in bed) was to read what people wrote for me on the little card during ocip. And after reading all the comments I felt really good eh =D such a nice way to start the day. sorta lost contact with some people alr. but well, i din talk much to them during the trip either. kinda sad how pple drift apart yea.

I felt rather guilty and kinda regretted it yea.
Cos everyone wrote so positive things bout me, with the exception of my two lovely classmates. although i spent half a day shopping and helping them to bargain for good deals._. hmmm, i felt guilty cos i rmb saying kinda negative things bout certain people. like how they owe me money. which is kinda sad, i realized. but to talk about it, you still owe me US$1 you know.

At that point in time, meaning the time when we all had to write, i srsly thought it was a waste of time, that it was lame and things like that. Fast forward 7 months down the road, i thought it was really meaningful at the very least. and i kinda regretted not putting in more effort to make the memories of my friends better.

I miss cambodia. doesnt quite help cos im tearing right now.
So much to say, so hard to express.

I dont know where to start, so i guess, i'll begin in the middle and work both ways.

I miss the times where i was really myself. There were no boundaries, really. I was free to say anything, think anything, do anything. There was the time too. I miss playing cards, a hell lot. I miss the laughter. okay, this is nv gna end. so im gna associate smth i miss with the people. k i shall go down the namelist in the booklet!

firstly, my comm. although we were srsly the slackest people around doing saikang everybody can see. there's the muscle man, jun hong, and i miss crapping with you eh. and the times spent eating katong laksa where you taught me chopsticks were not needed. miss the times bitching bout people together. esp the nyaa person. not thomas. the other one. i forgot her name alr HAHA. i miss the times we go "sup handsome" and "sup handsomer" :D miss the times we played volleyball and got thrashed at first but as the days go by we mastered the technique and could play much better(: still so sorry my leg got :/ so we couldnt continue playing after that. of cos, not to forget the "ancient dragons" and mr ringleader aha.

and then there was wei chang, more affectionately known as WC, the water closet. you're hell full of niao and crap too. say, the thing i miss most bout you/doing with you was sharing a ladder, competing who scraped more/faster. as well as the uh "guy talk" while scraping :D mmhmm hope you havent given my secrets away eh! you're a damn fun guy la. i miss crapping with you, really really.

oh then there was me! i kinda miss myself. miss being myself. miss my full load of crap and jokes and just basically entertaining people. i miss eating nutella and bread alone in the room, just thinking bout stuff, playing the guitar. and there're a hell lot more of things i miss, just doing myself. but this post's not for me.

yurong. ahaha. kinda hard to miss anything bout you since we still talk cock everynight not to forget the pubbing(: well i miss the times right after cambodia bout the yrthinksyouarecute thing(: chill man. peace(:
okay i just thought of smth. i miss how you were president of youth flying club HAHAHAHAHA and mr low did such a good job acting too. we scammed so many pple la HAHAHAHA so fun and funny LOL

my dear classmate, the hamster, anglifern. appreciate you running throughout the night generating electricity for us during cambodia, but hey! i rmbed one night when you were too fatlazy to run the wheel and we had no electricity ): HAHAHA the thing i miss most bout you is. the times when we were shopping together, and you started taking photos with the shop keeper and hugging her and speaking JAP to her omg HAHAHA. still so fresh la. i just rmb linette and i kept laughing non stop ahahahaha. actually, we din talk much during the trip did we. except some people keep pestering me to give her bagua. and den still calling me "quite irritating" after i give you ba guas. ok lah, quite hard to miss you cos i see you in sch everyday. ohhh this isnt related to camboida but i miss you calling me to tell me impt things and den ending off each phone call with "get a phone leh pls". HAHAHA.

patricia! you still owe me one card game okay! i still rmb when we both first met during the parents briefing thing. how we both were so "retardedly shy" and thought the other was in the vietnam group HAHA. actually my first impression of you was that of you wearing your blue shirt still with braces laughing non-stop at me and jingying playing cards. den i just kept making more faces and you laughed with your mouth opening bigger so that was the only image i have of you wearing braces :D see the braces! HAHAHA the thing i miss most bout you is playing cards together! hohoho so much fun. esp the 3 pple bridge when you threw away your jack to the third person. which i cannot seem to rmb who :$ ohhh and the "ching chong chinaman" cos it was the first time i heard it! =D oh yeah i miss our ultimate cheating wahjong times HAHAHAHA nv lost a single game did we HAHA ohohoh and sushido! sm damn high lvl person losing to lvl 1 noobs :P

cedric teng. i miss your manliness you know. the day where you cycled me from unacas to the church hall. first time pple cycle me leh. HAHAHA although the rides inevitably ended up in crashes! :P but wth man. you're one hell of a joker :D i miss how you anounced to the whole group you found somebody's fbts on your bed HAHAHA. nothing much to miss bout you leh. the only thing we did together other than cycling was crapping and eating(: oh yeah i miss passing you the rice pot and your complaints with it HAHAHAHA oh and the straw farmer hat(: its still with me! NOT TO FORGET THE. BLOUSE walao. i din even know it was a blouse. that brown cheena shirt HAHAHAHA

Shuchen, aha! i miss telling you about ZD HAHAHAHA. your crush right HAHA so fun and interesting omg. you hail him like some god, its simply amazing. although i was being irritating and refusing to tell you even though you took great pains to sit beside me for one night just to make me tell you everything i know about him. stalker sia. HAHAHA TSKTSK

Clement weeweeeweeeeeeee i miss sleeping with you la. and your lessons on contract(: you're a damn quiet guy but you kept sharing your things with me :D

and then of course, the 4girls. hmm okay lets talk bout the 3 choir girls first. i miss your singings! really really! you know, i dont think im gna have another chance in my life where world champions sing songs and lullabies to make me sleep FOR FREE LEH. omg. although the guys were so jealous of your beautiful voices we started a riot chant HAHAHA. thats what i miss bout you three as a whole =D *singsingsing* SHUTTUPPPP HAHAHAHAHA. you all are a really crazy bunch of pple to come sleep with us guys! :P but it was great fun aha. but you all bully me la. i so shy :$ den you all keep forcing me to give you all bah gua. den after that, during the pour water into bottle cum sharing session still sabo me. i rmb saying smth like i contributed to the team by entertaining the people who keep us entertained HAHAHA!

there's melissa! i miss playing cards with you on my bed. HAHAHA with jiamin and miss mr low. it was totally the epic of funniest card playing in my life :D:D:D and yi chan! you two are lovebirds that cannot be separated la. everytime see you all in sch also :P i sorta panicked when i saw you without yichan one day leh HAHAHAHA so funny! but no worries cos she came walking behind you immediately =D ohhohh i miss sitting beside you during the noel concert cos you were so sleepy and funny i rmb having to give you sweets to keep you awake lah!

HAHA and then yi chan! our assistant leader seh. you were full of rubbish la. HAHA did i play cards with you. like nv lidat. but i'll rmb forever the times you poked fun of me ahaha but we still laughed it off together!

and of course, xiaoxirocks@hotmail.com! hello miss pretty elephant :DDD i miss your pink cap. HAHAHAHA i miss your boasting eh. LOL but i rmb you were sorta quiet during the first few days. perhaps mourning over the loss of your phone ): but you talked quite a lot towards the end. all full of jokes and wit aha!

WEE JIA MIN! i miss your truckload of rubbish. HAHAHA and craziness! i still miss your voice leh. and how you kept baguaing me cos you cannot seem to rmb my name huhhuhhuh! i miss eating with you HAHA you can be my cousin for being such a cow la :P i also miss sitting the car/tram/motorcycle/tourist vehicle thingy with you :D we're from madagascar rmb! HAHAHA omg. and then cos we have black hair, we're koreans too! HAHAHAHA not to forget your elephant empire or rather, fantasy when elephants rule and dragons drool right. actually there're still alot of things i miss bout you and your rubbish. oh and how you brought us to your workplace to play HAHA. so ironic. but in the end, the only thing i can nv forget about you is how you promise to pay all 13USD in full USD but ended up only paying 12USD and still owing me US$1 up till today and then telling me friendship is priceless. so rubbish as usual.

phew, my tears have dried up and im so uber high now.
i miss the dragon club <3

shall continue perhaps 2mr, cos i havent touched chem for the past 3 days :S

On doing nothing part ii

I congratulate you if you had finished reading my previous post of approx 3000 words. 3001 to be exact.

I assure you that this post would be at least 10 times shorter.

I shall talk about the gym(:

Patronizing self-help books regale us with various bullet-pointed strategies to become more productive, less drunk and more hard-working. Men's and women's magazines employ body anxiety to send us to that modern torture chamber. Did you even know such a modern torture chamber exists? No, it is not those used to get confessions out of terrorists that we see broadcast on the news. Nor is it those waterboarding techniques. It is something i call a gym. We toil all day, mug in school, do homework and tutorials, and after such a tiring day, we PAY for the pleasure of running on a treadmill! Kudos man.

Adverts for electronic personal organizers imply that this wonderful gadget will help us achieve robotic perfection! Just look at all those fantasy schedules which appear in ads for "Organizers" (as if these will magically organize your life when you buy them). They invariably start with the line:

7AM. Gym.

For many others, their last activity of the day is also, "Gym".

I dont visit the gym. I go to the park. All i wished was that there was this travellator around the whole park, so all i needed to do was stand on it and the whole park would walk around me.

Going for pub now(: Shall continue later

On doing nothing part 1

Reflections.
Thats what i really am doing while doing nothing.

Doing nothing isn't really a bad thing after all. Hell, such is the tyranny of moral myth in today's world, where everyone rushes about to do this and do that, that doing nothing seems, at least to me, to put you out of place, so to speak, with the rest of the self-proclaimed human world.

It's good to be idle. Really. Its one of the reasons S78 is such a fun class to be in. Especially those of GP and PW during Colin Cheong's lessons. Being idle is about fun, pleasure and joy.

From the joy you get going to the loo together, as a class, is irreplaceable. Where else in the world can you find a substitute? The toilets are great idling spots. Especially the new clean ones. In the loo, we're physically, mentally and spiritually free. Apart from, of course, the sometimes all-too-unpleasant ordour arising from all those answering the calls of nature. Enjoying the trips to the toilet shows that it's possible to inject idleness into our everyday lives at no extra costs! Although in the economic sense, there have to be some opportunity cost involved. But alas! The toilets were built for only one purpose! How can there be any opportunity costs involved? You either use it to relief yourself and laugh with friends or do your changing of pe attires into the uniform while talking, or you dont visit it at all.

The toilet of my room used to be my sanctuary of my home. It was fortified and i felt safe in there. Inside, i was free from all hustle and bustle of the home life. I was free from the naggings and backings of my parents. Its so simple. "KUAN HUA!!!" and i would simply shout back. "IM IN THE TOILET". And it stops. so simple! Such, bliss! Over some time, i amassed such a huge collection of reading materials in my toilet, it should be dubbed the library instead. Naturally, the more i had to read, the more time i spent in the toilet. And so, the cycle continued until one day, my mum forced open the toilet door while i was still inside and confiscated all my reading materials. Sadly, im still not able to find them anywhere):

That aside, another place to idle and simply do nothing, is of course on the way to school, and from school, back to home, on the bus. Usually these commutes are filled with just necessary sleep. Other times, i just stare out of the window of the bus. Not in anything in particular anyway. And the thoughts flow naturally. And i reflect.

Throughout the whole of today, i've been doing exactly nothing. Rather, nothing in particular. I woke up and lay in bed for more than an hour, doing nothing. Soon i was joined by my mother who also lay in bed with me for quite some time, just doing nothing too. She went to get big breakfast for me because i cheered her up so much just by talking bout nothing in particular. In the end, my younger brother woke up so i gave him my big breakfast and ate beehoon and mee instead. After that, i resigned to my toilet for a nice shower and started restocking my now-barren "library". Having spent some good time alone in the toilet, i came out and to my horror realized my mother had decided to shift to the library because the weather was simply too hot. Great, so i was alone with my brother in the house.

I was actually, at this point of time expecting a reply to my only message sent today, so i wasn't exactly doing nothing. Of course i din just stare at my phone the whole time. I lay on my bed and put my phone on the bed too. So any vibrations would be felt at once. I sorta dispensed with that ideal that the reply would be soon. After all, i could be ignored for reasons only too obvious. But it really is my fault after all. I was expecting a reply. If not for the fact that i was expecting a reply, i wouldnt have given 2nd thoughts about a reply anyway. So in this case, expectations bred dissatisfaction.

After that, i was invited by my brother to play a game of moo-moo. Which i happily obliged, only to find my happiness a form of instant gratification to pass time which of course went away immediately the moment he had to leave for school.

I went online instead and started talking to a new found friend. Or rather, a friend i considered a better friend. Am i making sense? Okay, lets just ascertain that i realized she was a better friend/nicer friend than i thought before. So we talked and laughed for a while. Although i got quite perplexed that she was on perma busy mode. I mean, i was quite restless just doing nothing you know. And i was just curious to how someone could be perma busy just after blocks. Oh btw, i do consider bts are over.

Bad playing of the violin could be heard while waiting for replies. I simply was too lazy to rosin my bow. So well, the sound kinda sucked.

After that, my brother woke up. I had almost forgotten he was at home. He downloaded Prison Break. At least, i thought he downloaded everything. He invited me to watch with him so since i had nothing better to do at the moment, i accepted. We went to our parent's bedroom, connected the laptop to the 42inch plasma tv and started watching. Oh btw its prison break season 1 :$ For users who do not communicate with emoticon shorthands in msn, :$ is the shy/embarrassed face.

Well, it went well until episode 3, where he reviewed to me that episode 4 was still downloading. I went back to msn to chat for a few minutes and den he invited me to play typing maniac. Yeah that facebook game. It was my first go at it. And it kinda sucked. I wasnt particularly good at the special moves. I used wind when there were no er sheets of paper? on the ground? and things like that. Anyway i helped my brother improve his ranks among his friends by 6 or 7. That was after say, 4 tries. Hmm, i wasnt really interested in helping him improve his ranks or being a typing maniac, but i figured that if the game was good enough for such an intellect like her, it was probably good enough for me. The fact that she said she lost gave me a challenge to win it. I decided winning was an improbable factor after a while, cause the levels just kept increasing, so did the number of words i had to type and the speed at which i had to type at. Well, after a while, prison break episode 4 finished dling so we continued watching it.

And then things started to go horribly wrong.
He lost internet connection (familiar?)
And well, streaming wasnt really good.

Anyway, i got back to violin playing cum msning.
I patched my warcraft to 1.23 and decided for a go at dota for the first time in months. i mean, public playing. or more affectionately known as pub. aka pubbing. i was totally ignorant to the new heroes and items and skills and recipes. so i just kept humming until i was forced to quit game after failed attempts at teamwork. At that moment, i realized it was imperative to go through the change log throughly and was quite astounded by the difference. tian1 fan1 di4 fu4 de bian4 hua4 sort of. I joined another game after that, and obviously won this time round. lol. i joke.

I talked to my buddy chuankhim whom i confided lots of bullshit secrets. secrets which if leaked out would definitely ruin my life a hell lot. You know what to do yea buddy(:

Anyway. My mother came back with lunch and the book "how to be idle". I ate my lunch past 7pm cos i was too busy doing nothing to get my own lunch at say, between 12 to 6pm.

I applaud you for your patience and determination to read till here. But this is where the true fun begin, for i'll begin my reflections(:

Its to do with the topic on waking up.
One of the toughest things to do isn't it?

Benjamin Franklin, the hardwokring American rationalist and agent of industry, popularized and promoted the trite and patently untrue aphorism back then in 1757. Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. If he studied prophecy, he would have realized how much misery it would have caused to millions in today's world, thanks to his puritanical zeal at that moment.

Is it not a sad fact that ALL OF US are taught to wake up early. That it is only right, proper and good to JUMP out of bed and leap to the toilet the moment we wake, to brush your teeth and wash your face? There is even a fabulous tune on it. Some "this is the way i brush my teeth, brush my teeth, brush my teeth, this is the way i brush my teeth, EARLY IN THE MORNING." Horrible. Totally. And after breakfast, to set about some useful work as quickly as possible?

Personally, its indeed clearly vivid in my mind how i used to/still awake to her screaming at me to get out of bed every morning. As i lie in my bed in bliss, in the comforts of my quits, hugging my bolster, eyes closed, trying to hang on to a fading dream, whether anot the protagonist of the dream is benja or some random stranger, doing my utmost to ignore her shouting (and beatings/pinching), I would start to calculate the shortest time it would take me to get out of bed, change, make my way to the mrt, wait, take it to little india, walk to the bus stop, wait for the bus, and then take it to school, den after alighting, running to central plaza to be in line and in time too for flagraising to save me a demerit point. PERMANENT demerit point. All this mental ingenuity and effort i expended in order to enjoy a few more moments of slumber. Im still trying to find a way to stop the pinching in the morning so i can really ENJOY my few more moments of slumber. Thus the idler (thats me btw!) beings to learn his craft(:

Take a step back and look at the big picture.
Parents are ultimately responsible for this brainwashing process. The school then takes over and works harder to indoctrinate its charges with the necessity of early rising. Imagine Ken Yeow's voice over the loudspeakers. "The discipline com is not out to kill you. Its not like, you're late for one time, thats it. You're dead. Thats why we give you 3 chances. In events like when the bus break down. You still have two chances!" Yea right. If you're not out to kill us, why is it that if we're late by 1 second, like, not in line bfore the command is given, we're marked as late? And then they further rob our sleep by the very famous "Do not cross over to the dark side". I suppose by closing your eyes, by shutting the lights out, we cross over to the dark side? Thats what you think. In dreamland, on the sunny beach with hot babes in bikinis, its so much brighter (both in terms of light and in terms of life) than say, sitting in the first row of lt3 during bio lecture when they're playing some very-interesting-but-not-as-interesting-video-as-say-the-likes-of-my-dream with the lights off.

As a student, i began developing complex alarm systems so i would not get demerit points that cannot be cleared unlike yesteryear. I had something like 3 alarm clocks (i'll get to this later) all showing different times. And of course ringing at different intervals to wake me up. It half worked. I would leap out of bed and totter for a moment. But what happened then, of course, as you might have gussed, was that i would turn all alarms off, ignore everything else around me except probably to check my phone for incoming messages if i was expecting one, and climb back to the snuggly warm embrace of my duvet alr comfy enough from the heat my body radiated throughout the night. Just last year, i had such habits i'd dao everything and slowly come to my senses around 10+, doze around until 11+ or noon den finally stagger to my fit around 1pm in a fir of self-loathing and for lunch. Den probably i'd consider going to school or doing nothing for around 2 hours bfore dragging my feet to the polyclinic at around 4 to get mc for the day based on complaints of headache, and the general languid state of my body.

It wasnt until many years later when i learned that i was not alone in my sluggishness and in experiencing the conflicting emotions of pleasure and guilt which surrounded it. There is a wealth of literature on the subject! And it is generally written by the best, funniest and most joy-giving writers. Imagine being associated with these people :P

Let me share a passage with you, in which JKrowlingJerome published, reflecting the pleasures of snoozing.

Ah! How delicious it is to turn over and go to sleep again: "Just for five minutes". (how familiar!) Is there any human being, i wonder, besides the hero of a sunday-school tale for boys, who every gets up willingly? There are some men to whom getting up at the proper time is an utter impossibility. (i pity you if you had a proper time) If 8am happens to be the time they should turn out, they lie till 8.30. If circumstances change and 8.30 becomes early enough for them, then let it be nine bfore they rise. They are like the statesman of whom it was said that he was always punctually half an hour late (HAHA). They try all manner of schemes. They buy alarm clocks (Artful contrivances that go off at the wrong time and alarm the wrong people for the wrong reasons). There are people who actually get out and have a cold bath; and even that was no use, for afterward they would jump into bed again to warm themselves. (sounds like.. somebody dont you think so? :D:D )

Sleep, indeed, it is a powerful seducer. So powerful that we had to develop terrifying machinery to fight it. Look at the alarm clock! siao ah. Must be some. Dr evil genius, who brought together those two enemies of being idle - clocks and alarms - into one unit! Every morning, millions of happily dreaming individuals are rudely thrust from sleep by an ear-splitting ringing noise that is all so familiar, or insistent electronic beeping.

Alarm clocks are the first stage in the ungodly transformation that WE FORCE OURSELVES to ENDURE in the morning. From the blissed-out carefree dreamer of all sorts of fantasies to anxiety-ridden toiler, weighted by responsibility and duty. Be it that of a student, or uh worker or parents etcetc.

But i think, what is truly amazing is that we buy alarm clocks voluntarily. Is it not absurd to spend our own hard-earned cash on a device to make every day of our lives start as pleasantly as possible, and which really just serves the school whom we sell our time to? After all, we should understand. Teachers get paid for teaching, so they would naturally want us to be in school for them to teach as early as possible.

After the alarm clock, it is the turn of breakfast cerals to shame us into action is it not. RISE AND SHINE, from the corn flakes packet. The physical act of crunching coco crunch/cornflakes and the like is portrayed in advertising as working an amazing alchemy on slothful beings. The incoherent, unshaven/ unkempt child/man/sluggard (bad) is magically transformed into a smart and jolly child/worker full of vigour and purpose (g00d) by the positive power of CEREAL! WOOTS!

Such are the architects of our daily lives. For all modern society's promises of leisure, liberty and doing what you want, most of us still are slaves to a schedule we did not choose. Just LOOK at the timetables. Rot in hell man. Although we shd appreciate the efforts of timetabling comm, but even so, we all know teachers hate to be part of them.

Hmm, i think if you're still reading, i shd just trudge on.
SLOTH - a murder of time, who keeps the lazy man's mind imprisoned. He must be fought against, there must be a manly battle of wills. THIS, of course, is bullshit and palpable nonsense.

SLEEP IS A FRIEND, not a foe, nor felon. Everyone knows, common, that our mind, far from being imprisoned, is actually at its freest when we're lying in bed dozing in the morning, and we will well come back to the creative benefits of that delicious in-between state later.

AND BECAUSE SLEEP IS A FRIEND,
i shall continue with this post later, and get some rest now.
Come back more on my rants soon =D


-----
There're no words, just love, i reasoned.
But snap back to reality and i realized you're ignoring me.

The irony of being irritating is that i end up irritated yourself.
The same for love.
The irony of love and loving is that you end up hurt.
The irony of being loved, is well. Forget it.

Love shall continue. Hatred can never be resolved by hatred, but only by love.
This, is Law eternal.

If there's one thing i learnt today

its not math,

nor time management.

its that,
friends shouldnt be taken for granted.

There are just no words.

Nothing can express what i'm feeling right now.

Its like, im awash in a floodgate of emotions.


Today marks the day where my life would change.
At least, my ambition.

I wanna be a musician.

I was searching for some quotes bout music.
To sorta, correlate with what im feeling now.

Every single one, seems to express what i feel.

But not one come close to expressing me.
See, as one of the quote goes,

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words.


It is, truly, the shorthand of emotion.

It produces a kind of pleasure that well, i dno. I've nv felt anything like that bfore.

It is like. An orgasm. But a prolonged one. if you know what i mean.

ahh it feels damn good.

this is what life sounds like.

it soothes the mind and gives it rest.
and nothing is more impt than enjoying this bliss right now.

it heals the heart and makes it whole.
it is love in search of a word.
it flows from heaven to the soul.


itititititit gives soul to the universe.
it gives wings to the mind, and lets the imagination take flight.
it gives charm, and gaiety to life and everything, fuck.

it flies me to bliss and can bring me to tears
fill me with conflicting eomtions
calm me, argggghhhhhhhh its so good. damnit.


you know, the times where.
i read about pple saying things like.
"when i listen to _______, i feel like im in ____, looking at ______"
or things like,
when i play this phrase, i think of _____, etc.

and i think "yea right. crapload of bullshit"

but now, im starting.
yea, just starting to experience this myself.

i finally understand what it means,
to play the music,
and not the instrument.

and then,
you realize,
music is everywhere.
it is enveloped in silence.

just as an artists paints on a canvas,
music is painted on silence.

the pause is just as important as the note.
because of silence, can i say, i appreciate music.

hell, i can do this everyday.
just listening and making music.

but chem's 2mr. damnit.
i should begin my mugging session today.
after well, playing my violin, talking, eating and sleeping.